I catch myself smiling in hidden corners of the house. Everything feels a little brighter, love is sweeter and I am grateful like I haven't been for so many months before these. 

We are laughing and joking like teenagers, he even told me after monents on the kitchen counter last night that we were young again. I have felt old and weary for so long. Too long.

There are so many dreams and ideas and thoughts running around my mind that too excited for my own good. I can't stop my legs from tapping. We have relinquished so many feelings that we lost. Every morning I fear for our seperation, we clutch tightly onto each other as though we are due to spend months apart. I tell him I miss him on idle Tuesday afternoons and smile back at my emails that this is life even four years down the line. If my heart was broken it is mending now.. Each insubstantial comment that I catch off guard threads pieces that were falling apart. My world is golden and everything feels good. We are booking two holidays and I am inexplicably grateful each time I remember. 

In the back of my mind lies a fear that the darkness will return, but I have seen light now. I have seen how the shades fade and we have turned away from the blackness.. We are a team more than ever before.

As I load the washing machine I am quietly grateful for what the last year of lessons has taught me. I am humbled, counting each and every one of my blessings as though they are tiny precious stones in the palm of my hands. I am still desperate to see things, but the yearning has changed somewhat. I am peaceful. 


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