We have ached these past few days with the heaviness of busy weekends. Pete is run down, sick. His body relishes those fifteen minutes between sleeping and waking every morning and we lie in a time that doesn't really exist. Before six, yesterday morning, I was woken with a warm hand on my back, rubbing my sobs back to reality. It frightenes me still to make noises in my sleep, but sleeping next to Pete bleeds nightmares into water and once again, I'm home. It took me hours to ask how he knew I was having a nightmare. We are more in need of sunshine than I believe. 

With hot drinks and thick scarves and the raspy laughter of my girls in the morning, we press on. We are booking dates for Maldives and it probably won't feel real until we're about to board the plane, but I am inexplicably excited for water sports and crystal sea. Holly tells me sharks swim round the water huts after dark and my heart aches to sit in the warm midnight air and watch them ripple around us, wine in hand and so perfectly in the middle of no where. I am hungry for miles of sea, still and patient, rolling over horizons as far as my eyes can see. For night fishing and paddle boarding and snorkelling and eastern airways and speed boat transfers and flower garlands and draping white sheets and the most calm afternoons for reading this world has ever seen.

This Friday we raise money for a good cause, red lipped coffee mugs and cake galore. I search florentine recipes and remember we are on a bid to get fit (i.e swimming like maniacs and cycling like idiots). Pasta will always be my weakness. 

In other news, I'm dreaming of theatre tickets and after-work-dates. Of saving money and warm nights in the hot tub followed by coffee and home made bicuits. Of being super productive at 7am and not rushing every moment like its beyond my grasp. I'm dreaming of nights under fur blankets with series on repeat. Of a weekend of nothingness to pour over. I'm dreaming of basking in sunshine, reading, writing and - whilst we're at it - swimming furious lengths with underwater headphones.


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